Semester Takeaway

I made it through this semester. And though I know this class was supposed to enhance creativity, the projects and assignments presented more of a therapeutic value to me. Each assignment made me think - about me - in ways that I had never spent time doing.  It opened wounds of my life and allowed me to analyze them and work on healing them. Maybe these wounds and insecurities are what have held me back from being openly creative. I know I was supposed to spend time being creative with my projects, but I actually spent time thinking about what the symbolism was in each project and how did it apply to my life. I think this semester made me see myself from a different perspective - sideways I guess...I've questioned my most inner being throughout this entire semester and I came out with a new understanding of 'me'. Now it's time to build a better me. There should be a Seeing Sideways part 2. LOL.

Class Takeaway 16

Yesterday's class was very powerful for me. As I revealed my final project my emotions overcame me. I had what I would consider a breakthrough. Everything I had been holding back came rushing to the surface because my final project introspective illustration of me. And sitting there reading it out loud was very revealing. Hearing myself talk about myself and my inner feelings made me realize what I needed to work on to better myself - inwardly. It was truly a crazy moment for me because I don't really like to share things like that about myself, but I did - in front of so many. I think it was easier to do it in that class simply because we all were there opening up to one another - even though we don't really know each other. It was a freeing experience.

Altered Book

The idea of combining biology and technology is awesome. I had actually wondered if there was a way to "eat" something and change the smell of your body odor. I knew there were some things that people would eat and the smell would emit through their skin. The combination of technology and the human body is an amazing thing and I believe it is the way of the future.

I'm not against combining media arts with your body either. I support it. New ways of creating as well as new creations are evolving everyday. I embrace it.

The transformation of this book into something that represents me has been a wonderful experience. It allowed me to really have a self analysis session.  This entire journey in this class has been a therapeutic journey.

What is identity of self in the digital world?
I originally did not really think about "identity of self" prior to this class. But this class made me realize there is so much more to who I am, than what I have actually shown. And, I have an idea of how to identify my self within my digital art. There is a deepness that has been missing from my work. I've tapped into that now, and will actually incorporate ME into my digital works from now on.

All the exercises / assignments in this class helped me to get to know some of the deepest parts of me - parts of me that I knew existed, but gave no special attention to. This book project really helped me to identify those "parts" and allowed me time to have some introspective thinking - in an effort to heal myself, strengthen myself, and praise myself. It was much needed. It may not seem like much to someone else, but this altered book project was really enlightening.

Class Takeaway 14

So yesterday's class was a continuation of the last class. It was amazing to see the differences in fears of this class. Unlike the last class, this class had more "unique" fears which people shared. It helped me to realize other "fears" that I had which sometimes creates "immovable blocks" in my creativity. And, various creative creations were displayed that helped me to realize other avenues to try when I'm in a creative funk. I usually stick to music or computer graphics, but this class helped relieve my tunnel vision.

Class takeaway 13

Yesterday's class was interesting. It seemed that many of us shared similar fears. I think it was kind of therapeutic for several of us - including myself - to know we weren't alone in our fears. Sometimes our fears can be so overwhelming especially if you think you are "alone", but hearing others with similar fears seemed to help me put my own fear in perspective. 

I also shared with another student who was currently experiencing something I had once experienced. While I couldn't offer an immediate solution I was able to provide hope that her situation would get better in the future.

Yesterday's experience I think was a good experience for everyone who participated.

Fear

1.     Fear - of failure

2.     I notice fear when I have worked hard to achieve something or push for a specific result and it doesn’t seem to be going the way I planned.

3.     I’m not sure what fear keeps me from experiencing. I have a fear of failure, but I have failed many times in life. I just don’t like the way it feels, so I try my best to ensure success in every aspect of my life.

4.     I guess fear is a motivator for me. It makes me push hard to be the best I can be.

5.     Fear affects me both positively and negatively when it comes to creativity. Because my fear of failure crosses into every aspect of my life, when it comes to creativity, I am motivated to put my best foot forward out of fear that I will create “crap”. But on the other hand,  I have a fear of getting so lost in the moment, that I lose all track of time and it throws off my schedule for everything else I have going on.

6.     ???

7.     Well, I think it helps to put it in perspective for me. It allowed me to “see” it as a tangible object as opposed to “feeling” it.

For my tangible object I taped two styrofoam cups together with masking tape. I stared at it for a long time not really knowing what to do with it, or how it represented my "fear". The longer I stared at it, the more I realized I had just failed to create something that I was proud of - it was something that represented not only the failure of creativity, but failure itself. It made me chuckle because it really seemed like an epic fail. Empty on the inside, empty on the outside. Not what I would consider to be "creative" at all. But then I think again and realize, it truly represents how I see failure. While it may seem as though I made no effort in this creation, I really did. I thought and thought about how I could turn this into something great, and I just could not come up with something. The more I hold it in my hands, the more comfortable I become with it. I don't like "failing", but I think this helps me better cope with the concept of it.  I actually am starting to like my "cups".

Bliss process

Exploring "bliss" was very nice. I knew exactly what it was that would create that wonderful feeling of bliss inside me. But, I had to let go of all he anxieties I had attached to my blissful experience. 

Since I knew that normally I would be in class during this time, I was able to allow myself to somewhat let go of the fear of "losing track of time" in order to completely enjoy the experience. But because I know how good it feels and that I get caught up in it so easily, the responsible side of me set alarms so that I would not exceed the allowed class time for this exercise. 

So I enjoyed myself, fully. I allowed myself to endulge in the moment. It made me feel alive again. I totally forgotten how good it was to do something I really enjoy.

Afterwords my thoughts turn to what if I was able to do this freely all the time? What if there was a way I could make a living doing this? What if I didn't have any responsibilities, such as kids or bills, would I really enjoy doing this all the time?

I don't get to enjoy things like this because of all the responsibilities I have. The creative process is blurred for me because I cannot freely create. What keeps me from being free to create is the fact that I will lose track of time, I will begin to disconnect from my children because of how much time I would spend doing it, and because I am the primary caregiver and supporter of my kids I can actually imagine their quality of life declining because I would be so focused on myself. That is not something I can allow to occur.