Bliss process

Exploring "bliss" was very nice. I knew exactly what it was that would create that wonderful feeling of bliss inside me. But, I had to let go of all he anxieties I had attached to my blissful experience. 

Since I knew that normally I would be in class during this time, I was able to allow myself to somewhat let go of the fear of "losing track of time" in order to completely enjoy the experience. But because I know how good it feels and that I get caught up in it so easily, the responsible side of me set alarms so that I would not exceed the allowed class time for this exercise. 

So I enjoyed myself, fully. I allowed myself to endulge in the moment. It made me feel alive again. I totally forgotten how good it was to do something I really enjoy.

Afterwords my thoughts turn to what if I was able to do this freely all the time? What if there was a way I could make a living doing this? What if I didn't have any responsibilities, such as kids or bills, would I really enjoy doing this all the time?

I don't get to enjoy things like this because of all the responsibilities I have. The creative process is blurred for me because I cannot freely create. What keeps me from being free to create is the fact that I will lose track of time, I will begin to disconnect from my children because of how much time I would spend doing it, and because I am the primary caregiver and supporter of my kids I can actually imagine their quality of life declining because I would be so focused on myself. That is not something I can allow to occur.