Semester Takeaway

I made it through this semester. And though I know this class was supposed to enhance creativity, the projects and assignments presented more of a therapeutic value to me. Each assignment made me think - about me - in ways that I had never spent time doing.  It opened wounds of my life and allowed me to analyze them and work on healing them. Maybe these wounds and insecurities are what have held me back from being openly creative. I know I was supposed to spend time being creative with my projects, but I actually spent time thinking about what the symbolism was in each project and how did it apply to my life. I think this semester made me see myself from a different perspective - sideways I guess...I've questioned my most inner being throughout this entire semester and I came out with a new understanding of 'me'. Now it's time to build a better me. There should be a Seeing Sideways part 2. LOL.

Class Takeaway 16

Yesterday's class was very powerful for me. As I revealed my final project my emotions overcame me. I had what I would consider a breakthrough. Everything I had been holding back came rushing to the surface because my final project introspective illustration of me. And sitting there reading it out loud was very revealing. Hearing myself talk about myself and my inner feelings made me realize what I needed to work on to better myself - inwardly. It was truly a crazy moment for me because I don't really like to share things like that about myself, but I did - in front of so many. I think it was easier to do it in that class simply because we all were there opening up to one another - even though we don't really know each other. It was a freeing experience.

Altered Book

The idea of combining biology and technology is awesome. I had actually wondered if there was a way to "eat" something and change the smell of your body odor. I knew there were some things that people would eat and the smell would emit through their skin. The combination of technology and the human body is an amazing thing and I believe it is the way of the future.

I'm not against combining media arts with your body either. I support it. New ways of creating as well as new creations are evolving everyday. I embrace it.

The transformation of this book into something that represents me has been a wonderful experience. It allowed me to really have a self analysis session.  This entire journey in this class has been a therapeutic journey.

What is identity of self in the digital world?
I originally did not really think about "identity of self" prior to this class. But this class made me realize there is so much more to who I am, than what I have actually shown. And, I have an idea of how to identify my self within my digital art. There is a deepness that has been missing from my work. I've tapped into that now, and will actually incorporate ME into my digital works from now on.

All the exercises / assignments in this class helped me to get to know some of the deepest parts of me - parts of me that I knew existed, but gave no special attention to. This book project really helped me to identify those "parts" and allowed me time to have some introspective thinking - in an effort to heal myself, strengthen myself, and praise myself. It was much needed. It may not seem like much to someone else, but this altered book project was really enlightening.

Class Takeaway 14

So yesterday's class was a continuation of the last class. It was amazing to see the differences in fears of this class. Unlike the last class, this class had more "unique" fears which people shared. It helped me to realize other "fears" that I had which sometimes creates "immovable blocks" in my creativity. And, various creative creations were displayed that helped me to realize other avenues to try when I'm in a creative funk. I usually stick to music or computer graphics, but this class helped relieve my tunnel vision.

Class takeaway 13

Yesterday's class was interesting. It seemed that many of us shared similar fears. I think it was kind of therapeutic for several of us - including myself - to know we weren't alone in our fears. Sometimes our fears can be so overwhelming especially if you think you are "alone", but hearing others with similar fears seemed to help me put my own fear in perspective. 

I also shared with another student who was currently experiencing something I had once experienced. While I couldn't offer an immediate solution I was able to provide hope that her situation would get better in the future.

Yesterday's experience I think was a good experience for everyone who participated.

Fear

1.     Fear - of failure

2.     I notice fear when I have worked hard to achieve something or push for a specific result and it doesn’t seem to be going the way I planned.

3.     I’m not sure what fear keeps me from experiencing. I have a fear of failure, but I have failed many times in life. I just don’t like the way it feels, so I try my best to ensure success in every aspect of my life.

4.     I guess fear is a motivator for me. It makes me push hard to be the best I can be.

5.     Fear affects me both positively and negatively when it comes to creativity. Because my fear of failure crosses into every aspect of my life, when it comes to creativity, I am motivated to put my best foot forward out of fear that I will create “crap”. But on the other hand,  I have a fear of getting so lost in the moment, that I lose all track of time and it throws off my schedule for everything else I have going on.

6.     ???

7.     Well, I think it helps to put it in perspective for me. It allowed me to “see” it as a tangible object as opposed to “feeling” it.

For my tangible object I taped two styrofoam cups together with masking tape. I stared at it for a long time not really knowing what to do with it, or how it represented my "fear". The longer I stared at it, the more I realized I had just failed to create something that I was proud of - it was something that represented not only the failure of creativity, but failure itself. It made me chuckle because it really seemed like an epic fail. Empty on the inside, empty on the outside. Not what I would consider to be "creative" at all. But then I think again and realize, it truly represents how I see failure. While it may seem as though I made no effort in this creation, I really did. I thought and thought about how I could turn this into something great, and I just could not come up with something. The more I hold it in my hands, the more comfortable I become with it. I don't like "failing", but I think this helps me better cope with the concept of it.  I actually am starting to like my "cups".

Bliss process

Exploring "bliss" was very nice. I knew exactly what it was that would create that wonderful feeling of bliss inside me. But, I had to let go of all he anxieties I had attached to my blissful experience. 

Since I knew that normally I would be in class during this time, I was able to allow myself to somewhat let go of the fear of "losing track of time" in order to completely enjoy the experience. But because I know how good it feels and that I get caught up in it so easily, the responsible side of me set alarms so that I would not exceed the allowed class time for this exercise. 

So I enjoyed myself, fully. I allowed myself to endulge in the moment. It made me feel alive again. I totally forgotten how good it was to do something I really enjoy.

Afterwords my thoughts turn to what if I was able to do this freely all the time? What if there was a way I could make a living doing this? What if I didn't have any responsibilities, such as kids or bills, would I really enjoy doing this all the time?

I don't get to enjoy things like this because of all the responsibilities I have. The creative process is blurred for me because I cannot freely create. What keeps me from being free to create is the fact that I will lose track of time, I will begin to disconnect from my children because of how much time I would spend doing it, and because I am the primary caregiver and supporter of my kids I can actually imagine their quality of life declining because I would be so focused on myself. That is not something I can allow to occur.

Class takeaway 4/6/15

Yesterday's class made me realize what passion was. I saw my instructor "attempt" to turn the class over to the soon to be instructor. I say attempt because her passion for the class kept her interjecting her thoughts and ideas on the topics we discussed. I could see the struggle she had with really passing the torch. 

It became clear to me that she was realizing the chapter that she began with her vision and passion was coming to a close for her. The passion that she has for the class she created was so prevalent yesterday. I just observed. 

I realized I am still searching for that one creative "thing" that draws my innate passion out of me. I want to create something that is such a deeply rooted part of me, that instinctively it would be difficult for me to let go. That is passion.

The flavor of horseradish cocktail sauce LOOKS like:

So I went to Harry and Izzys recently. I thought that was a perfect time to try something new - especially since I wasn't paying for it!

My experiment - cocktail sauce with horseradish in it.

I had never had this before so I was excited to taste it and create something from it. So many people had spoken about it to me - so here was my chance.

Cocktail with Horseradish -

Ok , so what can I say. It was delicious - however it has a STING unlike anything else I've ever had. I felt as though the cocktail sauce was made of tiny little jellyfish stinging the roof of my mouth and inside my nasal cavity. But knowing there weren't any jellyfish contained in the sauce I imagined what the flavor of the sauce would look like.

I tried creating it (picture 1) by inserting paper clips into a paper ball to represent the microscopic molecules of the flavor and symbolize its prickliness, but was unsuccessful. Then I was out and found an object that summed up the flavor perfectly for me. (Picture 2)

Picture 2 has the prickliness as well as it lights up which signifies the electric type pulsating I felt while eating it.

Picture 1

Picture 2

Class Takeaway 3/9/15

Yesterday was an emotional class for many - including myself. I was one of the first few to discuss the book covers and realizing what the cover meant to me had me tearing up. I fought back the tears and maintained my composure but a couple of others didn't - and it was totally okay. They really opened up and let their emotions flow and I could totally relate. I am not comfortable enough to really open up in front of so many people that I don't know, but I could feel that we are all going through a transformation.

This class is really helping many to make some realizations about themselves and their lives. It is more than just a class but more of a journey - for each person involved. Although I did not allow myself to open up completely, there is a change going on within me. It is a very personal experience and as the class continues this semester I know I will continue with my transformation just as so many others in the class.

You've got this covered

This class has thus far really been a deep journey for me. I have been put in a position where I've been somewhat forced to analyze and realize things about myself. Things that were comforting and things that weren't so comforting. I think the ideas I have come up with for the cover of my book represent me well - I just don't know if I want to reveal those aspects of me so openly.

I'm still contemplating the idea of just burning the entire book and inserting the ashes into an hour glass - and there would be no "cover" in this instance.

The other idea I've been seriously contemplating is turning the cover into a mask. While the mask would be simple, the contents of the book would be filled with all the complexities of my life. 

Class takeaway 3/2/15

So, I've been contemplating what to write for the last 24 hours. I really thought long and hard about class yesterday... And what I came up with is this - this class is totally opposite of what I expected. I was sitting in class yesterday just listening to everyone speak and also tuning in to my internal thoughts and I came to the conclusion that this class seems to be some sort of psychotherapy. 

At the beginning of this course it was stated that this class can really take people down a personal journey that is more than what they expected. That is exactly what is going on with me. Things are being revealed to me through these assignments which I would have never imagined would happen. I am on an unexpected deep emotional journey - slightly uncomfortable - but trying to welcome it. It is a bit unnerving to me because it has caught me off guard, but just like anything in my life, I am doing my best to experience it as well as learn from it. This is a surprisingly unusual class with some very unexpected results for me.

Who am I and why am I here?

I did my own blind contour drawing of a chair with a jacket hanging on the side of it. In the act of drawing this, many thoughts ran through my mind - "Am I making the right choices as to when I move up or down, and across? Is this going to look anything like what I imagine it looks like in my mind? Will it be recognizable? Etc..." As I did the drawing I paid attention to the lines of the objects and how they connected with one another. I became innately aware of all the elements of the view I saw before me. Shadows, lines, shades, all present within my view however the method I was using to reconstruct on paper did not really allow me to draw in that manner. But what I realized was because I was not trying to draw so detailed in the beginning, it allowed me to notice all the details that actually existed within the physical composition I was observing.  So how did this exercise apply to who I am and my purpose here?

Well I think this was a perfect illustration of the internal struggles that exist within me all the time. I'm constantly wondering if I'm making the right choices and will things turn out the way I envision them. I think this has revealed to me that although I portray myself to be a confident women, truly on the inside I am never actually sure or confident of the decisions I make. I just go with the flow , do my best, and hope it turns out the way I think it should. Fortunately throughout my life, things have seemed to always work out for me. Maybe I'm just lucky!

As far as my purpose, I honestly believe I am here to help people in anyway I can. People seem to pull from the strength and confidence I portray and have faith that things will work out for them. I always offer my help and help others realize that things are never going to turn out the exact way we envision them, but we should always just put forth our best efforts and let whatever happens happen.  

Class takeaway 2/23/15

I missed class due to my work obligations. So I've been contemplating on how my day "working" lends to my creativity. After thinking long and hard, I feel as if it actually takes away from my creativity. Yesterday I focused long and hard on spreadsheets and numbers. It is a very monotonous job with a lot of pressure and strict deadlines. I have to do logical thinking for hours on end instead of opening up my mind and allowing myself to become "aware" of the  things around me that evoke creativity. I have to have tunnel vision on my work projects and cannot stray beyond the rules - I essentially have to color within the lines at all times in my position. I wish my position had more freedom of interpretation of thoughts and opportunities to include my own feelings / emotions. 

So when I do get the opportunity to create- I now allow myself to become aware of the sounds and smells of things around me - like we discussed in a previous class. I open myself up to think beyond the borders of ideas. 

"Bible" dipping - (re-used)

So the word to focus on is "re-used"... I looked up the word in the dictionary to see how it was defined and compare that to my own personal definition. The Free Dictionary stated:
tr.v. re·used, re·us·ing, re·us·es To use again, especially after salvaging or special treatment or processing.
My definition was to use over again...so I was pretty much aligned with the formal definition. So my experiment consisted of something very simple  - a straw.

I made my kids take their straws from their McDonald's cups and "REUSE" them. I pulled mine out as well. Immediately my son started tapping the straw on the side of the cup - making a beat....and my daughter used her straw as a microphone and started singing, I blew into my straw making a sound - instantly we were a musical band made of straws. They were really enjoying themselves so I told them to hold on to their straws because we would do something more with them.

That evening, I told them to grab their straws so we could "reuse" them again. After they grabbed their straws, I instructed them to hold onto their straws and run in place. After a good 10 minutes of them jogging (and complaining), I told them to stop and hold the straw in their mouth. Once they did that, I told them to pinch their noses closed and only breathe through the straws simulating how people with asthma feel when they are having asthma attacks. They could barely take a breath at all. The straws' holes weren't big enough to allow them to take in as much oxygen as they needed. They immediately let go of their noses and pulled the straws out of their mouths in order to catch their breath.

That was my experiment for "reused".

Class Takeaway 2/16/15

Well I realized in class yesterday that I have a bunch of roadblocks when it comes to creativity and expressing myself. I also thought long and hard about this blogging stuff and I also realize I'm just not that comfortable putting my thoughts on the internet. I find it to be very uncomfortable. I listen to the various classmates when they share their thoughts, and deep inner feelings - and I'm in awe that they do it so comfortably. While I have many thoughts about many things, I often keep them to myself. I think that was something instilled in me as a child - much like many of the creative limitations I have - e.g. coloring inside the lines, being neat and organized with my displays, keeping control over the layout, etc. I am not without deep thoughts and profound expressions, I just keep them inside - more to myself. I'm not sure why - and I don't know if that will ever change. But this class remains an eye opener for me - personally.

Break the rules...

I decided to use the coloring book as my experiment to break the rules. I colored the inverse of the page instead of all the elements of the picture. I showed my four year old nephew and asked him what he thought about it. He immediately noticed that I had colored "outside" the lines and told me I did it wrong! So I asked him to show me how I was supposed to color and he did. Although he is only 4, he colored ever so carefully inside the lines of each element in the page. 

This made me realize that from early childhood we are taught certain standard "limitations" on creativity. He was so careful to not cross the line boundaries of the elements on the page. And once he was done, he told me that was how I was supposed to do it! I never thought about how often society imposes limitations on our creativity and imagination. This class is definitely an eye opener on shattering the glass ceiling of creativity.

Class Takeaway 2/9/15

I really enjoyed hearing the different ideas that people had for their transformation of the books. It seems that many people are really finding some deep personal meaning through this project. Originally, I didn't think this project would be something that anyone could relate to personally. I honestly thought people would just do "something" to satisfy the requirements of the assignment. But I am thoroughly impressed with the amount of thought that the majority of the class is putting into this assignment. Something that seemed so simple, is turning out to be something very complex on many levels. I am excited about this project and the other upcoming projects. This class is turning out to be way more than I expected.

What if...???

1. What if I mark out all the slow chapters in the book?

2. What if I removed the cut up the pages into different patterns?

3. What if I added pages that changed the flow of the story?

4. What if I colored every other page with my favorite color?

5. What if I cut a heart shape into the chapter I hate most?

6. What if I glued several pages together?

7. What if I was able to fit a rubiks cube in it?

8. What if I drew graffiti letters on the inside cover?

9. What if I labeled each page as only an even number?

10. What if I bedazzled the back of the book?

11. What if I cut shapes into each page?

12. What if I removed all the pages?

13. What if I filled the book with pictures of my kids?

14. What if I cut the book in half?

15. What if I used masking tape and taped the chapters together that I didn't like?

16. What if I burned some of the pages?

17. What if the pages were ran under water then allowed to air dry?

18. What if I kept the entire book intact and simply wrote "BAD!" on the cover?

19. What if I used red ink to mark out the characters' dialogue that I didn't like?

20. What if I twisted pink yarn and poked holes in the pages and threaded the yarn throughout the holes?

21. What if I took colored sharpies and drew doodles on the pages?

22. What if I cut the page numbers off?

23. What if I cut out the story from each page and left only the outer margins?

24. What if I shredded all the dialogue and put all the shreddings back in the book?

25. What if I burned the book and put the ashes inside an hour glass?

26. What if I tore half of each page, alternating top and bottom?

27. What if I threw the book into mud and let it dry?

28. What if I added pages into the book with my own dialogue?

29. What if I drew cartoons on the edge of each page and turned it into a flip book?

30. What if I turned it into a Pop-up book?

31. What if I pasted construction paper onto the pages covering up much of the main characters dialogue?

32. What if I let my 4 yr old nephew draw in it?

33. What if I cut out all of the pages and created a papier-mâché with it?

34. What if I poured boiling water on it?

35. What if I cut up all the pages and turned it into paper jewelry?

36. What if I cut out all the pages and made it into gift wrapping paper?

37. What if I simply remove the cover of the book?

38. What if I ran over the book in my car?

39. What if I took the cover off and placed it on a different book?

40. What if I wrote my own story on the pages?

41. What if I Photoshopped some pictures and added them into the book?

42. What if I reversed the order of the pages in the book?

43. What if I sprayed the pages of the book with perfume?

44. What if I added flowers inside the book?

45. What if I cut the entire book in half and only kept one half of it?

46. What if I digitized the book then created a cartoon blowing it up?

47. What if I turn the book into a comic book?

48. What if I change the title of the book?

49. What if I blend this book with another book?

50. What if I covered the book and each page in Legos?

Takeaway - 2/2/15

Well today I was on my way to class and I received a call from my son. He tells me he forgot his key and he's locked out of the house. So of course I have to immediately turn around and head home so that my kid does not wait long to get in the house and freeze in this weather. As I'm driving I'm becoming furious. He's fifteen... At this point in his life I expect him to be responsible enough to keep up with - at a bare minimum - his house key. Nonetheless I have to travel all the way back home, to simply let him in the house. Because of his "mistake" I know I'm going to miss class. But he is my responsibility - so home I go.

24 hours later - I've had time to "cool off" now. As I reflect on how I felt yesterday I realize that my frustration was because things like this always seem to happen to me when I'm getting close to completion of something major in my life. Unnecessary distractions due to others around me - mainly my kids. It has taken me years to get this far in my degree because I've had to stop and start so many times because I'm a "mom". While I was married I received no help or support from my husband at the time- which resulted in me taking a few years off in order to care for my kids and still maintain my career. Years later, my kids are older, I'm divorced, and I'm so close to finishing my degree. The thought of having to stop again is frightening. I just want to get done and I need my kids to be mature enough to handle their few responsibilities. But through all of this, I realize no matter what - I'm a mom first, student second. While I hope to get done this year, I am now and forever more willing to sacrifice for my kids.

Polly Wolly Doodle all the day

Doodling has always been a natural thing for me to do whenever I'm in meetings or lectures. I always thought it was me really losing focus but the video mentioned it actually helps to be more focused. I don't know if I really agree with that. I tend to doodle in meetings/lectures when the content becomes long and boring. I feel like doodling is my escape from such boredom. 

And in considering the 4 "s" concepts, I can see how they actually interplay with the creative process. The creative process is completely comprised of the concepts. Synchronicity - whatever is created will have some form of elements that work together in some aspect. Serendipity - when creating something - it's nice to find unexpected pleasure in what has been created. Spontaneity - I've found that some of the best works come from unplanned ideas. And lastly Surrender - truly opening the mind and allowing the vastness of your life and experiences to influence your creations can have amazing results. 

Coloring book

"Why in the world would an instructor allow a coloring book of my choice to be the required textbook for class?" I heard those words whispered among my fellow students when it was first announced. 

So why would she allow this? My thought is because the instructor is a very open minded - outside the box thinker and wants to really create an environment where each student can really open up as well, coloring books allow people to create and use their imaginations with no boundaries - except for the lines on the page. And maybe the instructor wants to push us to see who will create beyond those set boundaries and who will stay within the imaginar confines of the page. I think having the courage to break the creative boundaries and do whatever you see fit is one of the premises of this class. To reach beyond what you see before you and really open up to what lies within you can be an interesting creative journey and I beleive a coloring book present an opportunity to explore your own personal journey.

How I want my world to be

So I have always colored inside the lines. And accidently going outside the lines was a "no-no"... It was breaking the rules!

It took away all the fun of coloring and turned it into a chore, a serious task.  The way I colored my page was freely... Scribbles but uniform... Some went outside the lines and others were no where near the borders.

I would like life to be free flowing for me... No real rules, just flow.

Egg and the eye

I took my egg and surrounded it with colorful floam. The egg is surrounded by mini action figures ready to take action if anyone tries to harm the egg. This setup represents me and my family. I am the egg. A colorful outer shell with a very fragile center. I have always been the center of attention in my family and my family has always kept a defensive circle around me. They have kept me protected from harm and always ran to my aid whenever I needed them.

This setup, while it has kept me safe, it has also inhibited me in several ways. My circle is my comfort zone. I don't stray from my comfort zone to often.

Paralysis

The video completely summed up many things in my life. I have waited for so long on finishing my degree because I wasn't really sure what choice to make - education-wise.  I have so many interests and natural talents, I just didn't want to make a decision, then end up regretting that decision, thinking I should have taken another path.  So when the speaker talked about "paralysis" I could totally relate.

Not only has this affected my education choices, it has affected my life. I sit in my big beautiful home - looking at bare white walls. Why? Simply because when I go to Home Depot, or Lowes, in search of paint for the walls - I literally become so overwhelmed with the various colors and swatches, that I just turn and walk away. Also, visits to stores like Garden Ridge, At Home, Bed Bath and Beyond, are pointless. I search through all the options of home decor and always leave the store empty handed. Smh...

So the concept of "fishbowling" has somewhat intrigued me. This assignment - with the egg - essentially would have ended up the same as my home...untouched. I'm going to pick a subject and somehow apply it to the egg. Essentially forcing myself to make a decision with more limited options...I think I may try that with my house too! We'll see...